Backstory

I had to think long and hard about where to start this blog. The story started some time ago and I feel some of the backstory is needed before I move on into the daily journey from this point.

I have known the Lord all my life. I was raised in a Christian household and continued my walk with God into my adult life, developing a personal relationship with Christ. My life I could consider one of comfort, since I have never really lacked for anything, yet it was one punctuated by deaths, injuries and health issues. My father passed away when I was 12, and my 1st husband the day before my 25th birthday. There has been many opportunities for me to develop a reliance on God to pull me through life's tough times.

In March 1999 I married my second husband, and this past weekend we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. For most of our married life I have been privileged to be a stay-at-home wife, doing things I love - crafty things. There were times I did work outside the home - as a preschool relief teacher and then data input for a museum. My husband, meanwhile, was working his way through the ranks from the bottom to a managerial position. Over 18 years for the same company.

We served in our church in whatever way we could, even as we sought for something more. We completed a Certificate in Applied Theology in 2003. We looked to prophecies said over us that inspired, encouraged, and sometimes, confused us. All the time we were doing/serving, we were looking for our place, our calling, i.e. something more.

In March 2008 we turned our thoughts toward opening a retail outlet selling things we had both created. Besides my two biggest creative passions - writing and photography - I indulge in numerous other crafts. My husband makes jewellery and carvings from NZ greenstone, semi-precious stones, and shell. The prospect excited us, yet we could see no way forward at that time. Though we had enough finances to live comfortably, we needed the paid work to support our mortgage and to live off. We had no savings of any kind.

A year later, on the 13th March 2009, we were enjoying a night at a hotel for our 10th wedding anniversary. That is when the real story begins.

God inspired us. I simply cannot express here what He gave us. It is still 'in secret'. What I can say is that it is far bigger than anything we could have imagined on our own. It is complex, involving many branches. It is incredibly detailed, even down to the small stuff. What was conceived that night was not from our own minds or hearts, but our hearts and minds in accord with God's plan and purpose for our lives. At last He had told us what we were working towards and we found it summed up in Isaiah 49, the Scripture He laid on our hearts at the same time.

We came home, fired up and totally sold upon the Lord's plan. We drew up a draft business plan, drawing continual inspiration from Him. The plan requires money beyond our comprehension, and we waited eagerly each day for His provision to begin the work.

Towards the end of 2009, we were still locked in the same routine, but with the hope of a future designed and secured by the Lord. We began to see that the things we were so busy doing (serving in good roles) was a hindrance to progress. While our life was full of secular work and 'things', there was no room for growth or new endeavours. We made a difficult decision to step back from all areas of service at our church. We knew God was telling us to do so, but it was hard to let go of those areas we had poured so much time and effort into. We met with our Pastors to speak with them about it and found had already gone before us and spoken to them about us needing to remove ourselves from service. So a few days before Christmas, we performed our last official church duty by planning, and running the Christmas Celebration service.

Still we waited upon the Lord...

Then came the time which we had long hoped for, and in a way we had not anticipated.

We were waiting upon God's provision so my husband could leave his job and enable us to move into our destiny. We had by this time appointed 5 board members of an, as yet, non-existant company. We had a farm manager (unpaid and with no farm). We had a draft business plan and a heart bursting to move forward.

But ... I began to feel that things were too easy. It was too easy waiting on God to provide the money. Though it had required faith to believe God's Word and run as far as we could, we'd reached a point of comfort. We could do nothing until God moved, so it was SAFE! Too safe. I talked to God about it and then asked my husband if he had any thoughts about it being too easy, too safe. He didn't, so I didn't share the thought that was growing inside me. It was time for him to leave his job, regardless of having no money. I asked God, "Lord, is this all too easy. Do we need to make a leap of faith?"I sat on it.

Then one day only a couple of weeks later, my husband shared that God had told him when his last day at work would be. Without telling anyone the date, he asked me to pray and get the date from God and by this he would know it was right. He also asked our farm manager for her to seek God and supply his resignation date (i.e. the date he'd hand in his resignation and not the actual leaving day). Her date confirmed his date. I however, spent a sleepless 2 nights stressing and not seeming to receive any answer. I was exhausted emotionally and physically. In the end I gave him a date plucked from my head, as that was the only thing I could do. It was not the right one - and I knew it was not, but such was my state by this stage. That afternoon I got before the Lord and cried out, but this time I changed my question. Before I had prayed, "Lord, what date is it?" Now I prayed, "Lord, if the date he has is of you, give me the peace that passes all understanding."

Immediately it came as a flood. Peace: warm, restorative, bringing back with it hope, energy and life. I knew the answer was yes, and once I understood that He brought to remembrance my questions of Him earlier - "Lord, is this all too easy. Do we need to make a leap of faith?" You see the right question has to be asked sometimes. My husband's word from the Lord and the confirmation from our farm manager were an answer to my prayer, only I did not see that until God showed me the connection at a time when He was my only hope out of a very stressful situation.

So on the 22nd of January, the resignation was handed in (the date God supplied to the farm manager). On Friday the 19th of February (21st February was the date given to my husband- a Sunday) was his last day working for the secular world.

For the first couple of weeks we didn't notice anything. He was home and our routine was definitely changed, but it felt like a holiday. The money paid out from his accrued holidays kept us financially unchanged. Then he went back to do some consulting work for the company and we received some more money, topped up by a photography job I did. We were still comfortable.

I perhaps should have mentioned before, but will include it now, that our household consists of 3 adults (none with a regular job), 3 cats, a dog, and a rabbit. Our major financial needs are paying for food for everyone, the mortgage, the swimming pool, power and telephone. We now have not enough fuel to drive anywhere, except maybe one more trip to church.

Anyway... we were comfortable, until last week. The money was all gone, apart from $4-something in our bank account. The mortgage payment was due, and is not paid as of today (when another payment is due). The pool payment was taken out, leaving our account in the red. We managed to find enough coins between the three of us to buy a loaf of bread and some milk. As part of our days, we're cleaning up around the place and getting rid of stuff that's not needed. One of the items we were offered $10 for, so we could afford to get some margarine, milk and bread.

To many this would seem irresponsible ... ludicrous. And to us it would seem so too, if it weren't that we knew God required this of us. That is our sustenance - the Word of the Lord. He is our peace. There is no fear over what might happen or what we stand to lose if we're wrong. There is nothing but a perfect peace that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, doing what we're supposed to be doing. Every word spoken at Church, and every song sung, every person we talk to (very few people know as we do not want them to worry, knowing it is our faith, not theirs) has supported everything from March 13th 2009 to today, 15th March 2010.

Sunday - last night - we were blessed mightily. A family arrived with bags and bags of food, including treats like chocolate. The provision was a true Godsend. It leaves gaps, for sure. We need money to pay bills and food for the animals. Yet we are blessed and blessed mightily. God has already begun His great provision!

So that's it up until this morning. Future entries are likely to be not so long. If you've read this far, I congratulate you - and thank you for your patience and willingness to read my scribbles. My wish is that this will be a testimony to the unfailing grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Father.

This is not a story about struggles, though the message of God's redeeming grace will be shared through them. It is not a story about provision or plenty, though that will certainly be shared to demonstrate God's love and compassion on His people. It is a story of learning to trust in God completely, giving Him everything we have and everything we are, and then being obedient in all He has for us to do. May you find some blessing for your own life within the story that I am now having the privilege of living.

Belinda